Comedy is back

By Pete | @kingpetey | 31 Jul 2002

Yes the comedy section is back to ImAFish with all its flash movies back online! Shenton has been working hard over the last couple of days to upload all the flash movies and checking they all work. The comedy section has been down for about 2 months now because for some unknown reason all the flash movies strangely "disappeared" though the site investigated the situation thoroughly the case was deemed unsolved and now lingers in the ImAFish X-files department along with all the other strange goings on at the site.

ImAFish also offers you to browse through the large collection of 'funny pics' the site has mounting up in: http://imafish.com/funnypics/ Just click on the file name to view the picture! While looking through the 'archive' we also found a selection of office jokes which as I?m feeling generous I will share with everyone else.

Get everyone but your target in on it and never come by his or her office twice in a row wearing the same clothes. Sanity test... Staple ever unimportant paper on their desk together. Take a exploded pen and replace it with your co-workers. If your target has a computer, reposition the monitor everyday. Fill an empty white out bottle with milk and replace it with your co-workers. Put a live lobster or any other creature in the file cabinet. If computer has speakers turn the volume all way up or way down depending on your mood. :) Taping down the switch hook buttons on a phone gets some interesting reactions. When the mark answers the phone keeps ringing.

Program the mark's phone to forward to the office paging system. Ask your mark, "ARE YOU GETTING FIRED? WELL, THAT'S THE RUMOR." Does your coworker have fish in the office? Take the fish and leave a ransom note. If a coworker brings a bag lunch, switch the contents. It's even better if you switch it to something totally random. (beer, rubber cement, condoms, etc.) Pull the labeled buttons off of their phone and rearrange the order and put them back on their phone. They won't be sure of which line is which or which connects them to the boss!

Tape your victim's telephone receiver down at top and bottom when they are away from their desk. When they come back, call them from your desk and watch them struggle to answer. Put transparent tape over the read out of a calculator. It makes the numbers blurry. If your boss wins some kind of prestigious award, manufacture a phony memo from the company president announcing the discontinuance of the award. By a package of approximately 200 of those little paper bathroom cups and neatly arrange them all over the subjects desk. Then staple them all together and fill them with water. See how long it takes them to figure out how to get rid of this set-up wi thout spilling water all over their paperwork, files, computer, etc... Take the paper out of the copier and write "Everything written of the flip side of this paper is a lie!" Put it back into the copier mixed with regular sheets.

Take one of your coworker's 3 1/2" floppies and label it something banned at your workplace. A good practical joke you can play on someone at work is with the intercom in the store. (This joke will only work if you have to dial a number on the phone to use the intercom.) Tell new workers that you must dial the intercom number to dial out. Bye a voice changer at Toys 'R Us and answer the phone in strange voices. Does somebody smoke at work when they're not supposed to? Put Ambesol on the filter of their cigarettes. Watch as their lips and mouth go numb when they light up! Seal the boss's desk during their vacation in Suran wrap. Get Valerian Root capsules (at health food stores) and when co-worker is away from desk, take his phone apart and open a capsule or two of Valerian Root in the mouthpiece then replace. Guaranteed to smell terrible!

At lunch, swap the worker's real food with look-a-like dog toys. If someone is applying for a job, call them back and leave a wrong number. They go crazy for a while until you call them back apologizing. If the drawers to the victim's desk has a board under it you can take the drawer out, take the contents out, put the drawer back in, but UPSIDE-DOWN!

Then, while the upside-down drawer is partially opened, put the contents back in and close it. When t he unsuspecting victim opens the drawer, all the contents fall out! If able to impersonate supervisors voice, call co-worker and have them write incident report/memo on "their problem". Watch as they turn it in. This only works if Janitorial staff works late and not early. If you work in a building that has a no-smoking policy, buy a carton of (soft pack) cigarettes, an ashtray, and stay really late one night. Place the ashtray on the victim's desk.

Light up about 5 cigarettes and place them in the ashtray. Throw away the rest of the cigarettes but keep the packs. Crumple them up and toss them all over the victim's office/cubicle. Take some cellophane and open up the glue bottle. Put the cellophane across the opening, then close the bottle. Watch the victim try to squeeze glue out. They either open it up to check, or they squeeze to hard, breaking the cellophane and spraying glue everywhere. Tell a new worker that everyone has tomorrow off because of the boss's religious beliefs. See if he shows up the next day.

Internet Acronyms

By Pete | @kingpetey | 24 Jul 2002

The Internet being a big place has lots of acronyms this article should help you understand a lot of them.

LOL - laughing out loud
wb - welcome back
nn - night night
ofc - of course
nm - nevermind
gb - good bye
gg - good game
afk - away from keyboard
asl - age/sex/location
bbiab - be back in a bit
bbl - be back later
bbs - bulletin board system
bf - boyfriend
gf - girlfriend
bfn - bye for now
brb - be right back
btw - by the way
atm - at the moment
cya - see you later
fubar - ****** up beyond all recognition
gtg - got to go
hth - hope this helps
html - hypertext markup language (the basic computer language all webpages are made up of)
irc - internet relay chat
icq - I seek you
iow - in other words
isp - internet service provider
j/k - just kidding
l8r - later
m8 - mate
msg - message
newbie - a newcomer to the net, or a particular area of it.
Ppl - people
Re: - with reference to
Lo - hello
Rofl - rolling on the floor laughing
Ttfn - ta ta for now
Wb - welcome back
Wtf - wot the ****
www - world wide web

Of course this isn't a full list but should be helpful next time you try to have a conversation with someone you might be more aware about what they are going on about.

This Friday is System Administrator Appreciation Day, and your going to have to finally give some appreciation to all those system administrators that get grief every other day of the year! The event is in its third year now and is gaining support. The founder Ted Kekatos is hoping for people around the world to appreciate system admins for once! Kekatos, a system administrator in Chicago, was inspired to create the special day by a Hewlett-Packard ad he saw a few years ago. In the ad, a system administrator is bombarded with presents from employees as thanks for installing new printers.

I tore that ad out and showed it to some of my co-workers and said, 'Look at what this guy's getting. Where?s mine'?? Kekatos joked. Ketatos has even come up with his own list of geek like gifts for fellow system admins, these include GPS units and home theatre systems. Kekatos hopes System Administrator Appreciation Day will become a bigger holiday along the lines of Secretary's Day, and he's even considering sending a little reminder to the CEO at his own company.

The end of Internet Radio?

By Pete | @kingpetey | 14 Jul 2002

ImAFish.com has been following the progress of Internet Radio over the last few months, and earlier this month the US government released how much it is going to charge people to broadcast online. The fee structure in place for US-based broadcasters basically forces all broadcasters, hobbyist or not, to either move to content that is not label-owned, or pay the labels (via a company called SoundExchange) approximately $7 per month for each average listener maintained within that month.

What's more, broadcasters will also pay an additional 8.8% of those fees for the rights to store that content on a hard drive, and will be required to pay all fees that would have been owed retroactively, that is, since 1998. Most internet based radio stations do not make any money at all and even if they tried to make small amounts of profit from banner clicks they could clearly not make enough money to survive with these outragous fees. Not only will broadcasters have to pay so much per month per listener but they will also have to pay for all broadcasting back to 1998.

For example, Live365 now faces fees of upwards of $1.5 million from previous webcasts, and will have to come up with the money to pay the "instant fine" from webcastings since 1998 now that the US Copyright Office has set the royalty structure. On top of that, the company will have to figure out how it can afford to pay $200,000 per month in order to break even with it's webcasting service. Noncommercial broadcasters are not exempt from the fees as many thought they would be initially.

A noncommercial broadcaster now is required to purchase a $500 license to simply legally broadcast music for free and face almost certain fee's from service providers such as Live365 for the use of their service (which now costs Live365 quite a bit to simply technically provide). I talked to Simon from www.stationmax.co.uk who is having to close down his internet radio station because of the royality fees. Even though his station isn't American some of his servers are based in America, so he would have to pay. I can see over the next few months 80% of internet radio stations closing down as they can simply not pay the royality fees, others will be either forced abroad or to have adverts in the stream making internet radio more like commercial analogue radio, which upto now has been the one good thing to distinguish the 2 types of radio.

For instance i could have a party and leave digitiallyimported radio on all night with no one realising it was even a radio station. While the fees have been finalised some still think things can be changed, whatever the outcome we can expect big changes to internet radio and possibly having to pay so much a month like many other internet services have gone to. Pete

The story of ImAFish #1

By Pete | @kingpetey | 06 Jul 2002

The story of ImAFish!

I have decided to let out my cool story for everyone else to read! Feel privilidged :D

It all started when i was born in shrewsbury hospital - little did i know that i had been born with a special power, that of being cool. However i did not learn this over night, it took years of dedicated chilling out to master my coolness. One of the first signs of my coolness was pointed out by a friend when i was telling him about not having a belly button. He suggested that it could be because of a special mystical power - in my case coolness.

My childhood was a reasonably quiet time in that of my skills of coolness, but they were essential to building up my cool techniques for later life. I was teased for not having a belly button and many people laughed when i told them i was stuck in a conicle flask before birth :(

Throughout secondary education my cool powers did not come to life, this is for many reasons but mainly as they were clouded by un-cool people who were scared of my mystical force. In my later years of secondary school my fasination with computers increased and i found an interesting technology -- the internet. Here you could find new friends who no nothing about you, and in most cases dont care but have 1 thing in common, have a passion for somthing computer related, whether it was webdeign, linux or just entertainment. This led to the start of experimentation with webdesign, a lot of the early sites were very bad i will admit, however by the time ImAFish 1 was started our skills had nicely developed and we were ready to produce a good chillout site.

Anyway here my coolness skills developed, this slowly led into college where my cool hay day began and also ImAFish started to become increasingly popular..

to be continued!!!

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